found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize