Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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