I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You can't just leave with hair like that
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
