You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
