omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
