i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
