Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
