My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
