UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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