every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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