Pappa wants mamma naked
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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