he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You took a bar mat shot.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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