Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize