I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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