Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
