Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
