So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
