Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
