two words: eviction party
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
