Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
