He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
