I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I love you.
Bad choice
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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