Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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