Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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