Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
