I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
