A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
