After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
