I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
