If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
a search helicopter?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize