I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
did i just pee glitter
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
