it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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