Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
