Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
