I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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