Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
