I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
