i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am naked and annoyed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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