I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
