I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
