the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
