my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
