I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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