why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
