I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
