So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
