when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
