I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
