I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
