It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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