maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
