Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
