my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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