So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
