I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
