I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just forgot I was standing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
