She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
