the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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