I'm drive I can fine osifer
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
