What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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