Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
