it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
