Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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