whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
