someone threw a dead crab at me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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